It's time to talk again.

It's an interesting thing...

I've been very quiet on this blog for a really long time. And yet I wouldn't necessarily say that it has been because I've been silent in my life. Social media is an interesting thing: it creates connection, but not closeness. Anyhow.

Things are shifting again. It's this phenomenon that Paulo Freire calls conscientization. More and more my worldview has been emerging, my own sense of values, my inner compass. And the more I look at the world, the more I see the same things emerging. And it's difficult to shake the sense of powerlessness that sometimes comes with being just one. The world's momentum is a forceful current, and I find that it's very easy to get caught up in it; to lose one's voice.

And so this is why I'm beginning to write again. I can't wait for the change I want to see around me anymore; I have to be the change. As an artist, I have always been a storyteller, I've always found stories to be the most accessible vehicles for learning and understanding. And I want to learn, I want to understand, I want to communicate.

Blah blah. But still.

I've told so many stories in my life, others' stories. It's my metier. It can be scary to slip into another person's skin, to adopt another's voice, but at the same time it can also be so exhilarating. Empathy is very risky and very rewarding. But what happens when the stories that you see and tell and hear are not your own? How long does it take until you lose your own voice?

I have no idea. I'm also not trying to find out.

In any case, I've begun to write again. There are so many projects that I want to explore, so many things I want to try. But I've been quiet for awhile. So my voice is rusty. But silence is not an option anymore. Not right now anyway.

You're welcome to listen if you like. But I'm not going to shut it down. Not anymore.

Everything is changing, everything in transition...

Dudes, I think I'ma start writing again. One of the ways in which I've changed over the past two years (essentially while I haven't been blogging) that I'm happy about is having a circle of friends with whom I can process, examine, and work out the issues and things that are on my mind. Something I'd like to get back to is that solitary reflection, the idea that you can listen to your own soul in order to see clearly. It's an interesting thought anyway.

The only time Westmount didn't make me INSTANTLY cranky.

Let me tell you, darlings. Sweeping generalizations are uncool, I know that. Nevertheless, walking through Westmount generally irritates the hell outta me. And it's something I end up doing two or three times a week. The "Invisible Man" syndrome seems to kick in without warning: all of a sudden, it's like I'm not even there. It's the only explanation I can come up with that accounts for the fact that the residents frequently try to walk THROUGH me. (No, really.)

RESIDENTS OF WESTMOUNT, MONTREAL: You are not X-Men. You cannot phase through solid matter, regardless of the extent of your annual income and/or holdings. Thought you oughta know.

But here's why Westmount was awesome yesterday. I ran into (not literally, which also helps) Valerie and Chris Gold! I didn't even know they were back in the country. And just like that, Westmount became a fantastic place for me again. Thanks for that.

It had to be done...

I was starting to get embarrassed every time I visited.
Hello, Amigos!

ASM 48-hour film fest screening!

Dudes!

I shot my first action fight sequence this weekend! In heels! Check it:

Alchemy in 10/8

Hee hee!

Almost through...

And can I just say?
Stupid Facebook.

Well...

...the storm has descended.

A little calm before the storm...

So here's what's up so far, Babies!

I just did a couple of staged readings last week (which is less stress in that you don't have to memorize your lines or the blocking, but infinitely more nerve-wracking because of how little preparation time you get. All you can do is to hope that your instincts are on). The awesomest (I know it's not a word---neener neener neener) was working on Harlem Duet by Djanet Sears. Not just because it's this incredibly written prelude to Shakespeare's Othello, and not just because I got to play the central character, Othello's first (black) wife. But that was a big part of it. It was like playing a black Medea, except without murdering the children. At least, not intentionally. But best of all, I got to act opposite some of my favourite actors in town. What a treat. Which is not to say that it wasn't agony at times. I put too much pressure on myself.

I will start teaching at Concordia again in June, which is tres swell. It's nice to teach (sort of) adults for a change. I'm thinking about making my focus voice work this time around. We'll see what kind of group I'll be with.

But there's more!
Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment and so I accepted to be on the Fringe jury again this year. A whirlwind of shows in ten days, trying to separate the wheat from the chaff, and yet not to get sucked into the vortex that is the beer tent, and then have something more or less relevant to say about what I've seen when it comes time for selection. The toughest part of the jury is leaving your friends at the beer tent to see a show that is shite, but you have to sit through it anyway. Thank the Lord I can see the shows for free. It really is the only consolation.

It also allows me to have an excuse to say nothing if I didn't particularly enjoy the show: "Sorry, I can't really talk about it. I'd love to give you feedback you know, but I can't..." *wink!wink!* Thank the Lord. At least noone's feelings get hurt. I'm an appalling liar when it comes to crap shows.

And YouthWorks has just slowed down for the next couple of weeks. Now it's time to write up the grants (blech) and prepare the summer programs. I also secretly hope to somehow save up enough money to escape to an island for at least a week in August. That would be choice!

And of course, there is also the super duper excitement of being cast in the Segal Centre for Performing Arts season opening of Inherit the Wind! I'll be playing Rachael Brown. (which is also my cousin's name, funnily enough) So here's a first for me: at the Segal centre, and I'm cast as a romantic lead. Really? No hookers? Single mothers? What about the maid? No? Not even a little? What a refreshing change. There may be hope yet for this town. In fact, what's even more awesome is that the part wasn't written for a black woman. Which is a big deal for the Segal Centre. That doesn't happen often unless you're somebody with clout like Tyrone Benskin. How much do I love my director, Greg Kramer? Lots. Uh huh.

There are other thngs on the burner, but after the repeated and persistent pain of anticipating and then losing out on auditions and other projects (from now on, we no longer refer to that musical by name, but whose initials are Dreamgirls...d'oh!) I'll hold those ones close to my chest until contracts are signed or at the very least I'm in rehearsal.

I know I've neglected you, and I'm sorry. When I'm not busy with work, the moment I slow down, all of the most recent flu and cold bugs catch up with me. But I still love you, and think of you often. I just can't (or am too tired) to do anything about it. I always appreciate your patience and the fact that you stick with me, even when I don't deserve it. I gotta tell ya, I have super friends and family. Which is what keeps me going.

Loving you!

An exciting year ahead

I can't even begin to tell you. Mainly because I'm so sleepy. But you'll hear about it...oh very yes.

Honestly...

I haven't got much to say, I feel guilty for not posting in ages, and I can't sleep, so...lucky you!

...and this false alertness is going to get me into trouble, I can feel it. It's probably something like the drunk n' dial phenomenon. Here's hoping I don't write something retarded.

Anyway, I was AWOL (again) because I was directing the School Tour production this year, and I've never directed professionally before, so I was a wee bit of a basketcase. Happily, I didn't hurt anybody, the play is being well-received in the schools and hurray I didn't wreck anything. So that's really good news. Now I find myself mentally and creatively exhausted, which probably won't last much longer than another week. In the meantime, life is feeling a little bit like sleepwalking. But whatevs, I'm starting to learn that it's just part of my creative cycle. Either I'm plugged in, or I'm not.

Yeah, and now we're getting to the dangerous stage of insomnia when I think that I'm being all deep and philospohical, but in reality I'm rambling incoherently.

I'm out!

The Ultimate Poutine

This is a poutine for foodies.
I had originally called it the 007:Quantum of Solace Poutine because it's that sexy, but I'm open to name suggestions.
I just tested it, and it's pretty doggone awesome. I can't tell you quantities, because what's the point? I have no idea what they are. Anyway, it's up tp you to decide how much of each flavour you want in there.

Layer the ingredients in this order:

awesome fries (I use oven baked wedges, but whatever floats your boat. If I had the choice, it would be those deep-fried chewy sweet fries, but anyway. It's too messy to make at home)
sauteed chicken breast (I marinated them in olive oil, cayenne pepper, garlic, tamari, and a little worcestershire) with white wine and mushrooms
cheese curds
caramelized onions
peppercorn sauce (I had good results with Knorr green peppercorn sauce)
crumbled bacon

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Back in the saddle again...

Howdy y'all!

Now that the show has been over for awhile I've been able to concentrate on my other jobs, which are essentially only at Black Theatre Workshop. YouthWorks is a good program, but the enrollment is a scandal, and straight up heartbreaking. But we're hustling to get things going. I sometimes worry that I'm going to get fired, but then I think to myself, who else would do this job at my salary? No, I think the greatest concern is hanging on to the funding for the program. And getting more funding to be able to better advertise and afford awesome guest teachers.

And the preparation for the School tour play is underway, which is awesome. I've finished most of the research for the playwright and just have to send him two more things today and then wait for the updated script. I've got my cast, got my team, we're working on the design, and now I'm just trying to find a time that everybody can get together to workshop this thing.

And I've just started working out again. It's been awhile. To tell the truth, once I quit working at the gym, I didn't want to see the inside of another gym for a little while. But what can I say? Besides the shocking arrival of what appears to be cellulite, the gym three minutes away from BTW and 12 minutes away from my house made me a membership offer I couldn't refuse. So now, Mike and I are training most days, and I am sore as heck. And I'm broke again, but at least I'll be pretty!

This no doubt makes me really immature

...but I fully dig that Nicolas Archambault fella from So You Think You Can Dance Canada. Like, fully.

Howdy!

Well, the show is finally over, and it was a success, I think. I'm glad things went well, and the company has garnered some more respect in the community, which is pretty awesome, I think. I'm very proud of Mike. Man, if I had half of this guy's ambition and energy when I was his age...
Anyway, I got some complimentary reviews "beautiful," and "sparkling live-wire". Hilarious.

I think that the thing which is most gratifying to me on a personal level is the sense that finally I am making a place for myself in this theatre community. I mean, three successful shows this year and now this directing gig with an absolute dream team of actors and designers. I've noticed that people are starting to treat me differently, like I actually live here instead of just being a visitor. Which is, when you think about it, a colossal load of bollocks. I mean what is this little theatre community in Montreal anyway? It ain't the West End or Broadway.

It's not so much the notoriety that matters for its own sake, it's the prospect that doors continue to open up for me to keep working and doing projects that I love. And to tell the truth, I'd like my work to be enjoyed and appreciated by discerning folk. More than that just seems risky. I'm aware of my insecurities, and I think that beyond a certain level of success, that it would become almost dangerous for me. How could I not turn into a complete and utter asshat? I don't think anyone's immune to that particular risk.

I remember talking to Mike about ambition. He's aiming for the stratosphere, this one. Success, and glory and all that. I just want to work, make a decent living, make some great art, and make in difference in people's lives with it. You know, to become an incredible acting teacher and to help others be successful. (It's not that noble when you take into account that I'm scared of too much suceess.) But it seems that because I don't reach as far as Mike, I'm not advancing along that path as much as he is. I want the moon, he wants the stars, and so he's already at the moon while I'm on the roof.
That probably made no sense whatsoever. Bof.
Je vous aime, Bebes!

Only three more shows!

Hey hey, Kids!

As of Monday, no more clearing dirt out of my lungs every night! I'll sleep more! The show is going really well, better than I expected. It looks like Mike's big gamble has paid off!

Anyway, I need to go nap, we've got two shows today and I'd like to not suck.
Je vous aime, Bébés!

Why has this only occurred to me now?

So, it's Thanksgiving weekend, and I worked through pretty much all of it. (Except for Saturday, which I apparently slept through.) I haven't yet taken a moment to think of the things for which I'm grateful. Number one are definitely the people I love, who inexplicably love me back. But hey, I'll take it and a side of fries, thank you very much.

And I want to continue on this edifying and healthy train of thought, but at the moment I'm too tired and sick to do it. Darn it, I'm going to the clinic tomorrow. There's a nasty bout of strep throat going around the cast and for the first time today my throat is suspiciously sore. I will also get my wrists checked out and see if I can get anything to help me sleep at nights because I'm having a lot of nightmares.

Uh, grateful, grateful! I still have a job for now! I'm more healthy than unhealthy, my roommate is a good person and good to me, I get to act for a living, I'm going to direct a professional play, and the future is full of possibilities, I have a nephew! I just gotta keep my head above water and not dwell on the bad stuff.

I hope that wherever you are and whatever's going on with you, that you keep your head up.

Question...

(by the way, didn't get the part.)

So my question is this: If my hands are numb or sometimes tingly for hours on end, is that a bad thing?

AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess who has an audition in Toronto this Monday?
And guess what show it's for?

DREAMGIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh please, oh please, oh PLEASE pray hard for me; send me your good vibes and good wishes, and if they could be timed to kick somewhere between 2:45 pm and 5pm this coming Monday that would be stellar.

Believe it or not...

I've actually got a date this coming Saturday!
Keep an eye out for headlines proclaiming that pigs are now capable of flight.



Oh, also:

I'm allowed to laugh about this because of my Asian heritage! The unfair double standard lives on!

Makes me wanna holler...

I gotta tell you, today I'm not very happy with my city. Don't get me wrong, Montreal is gorgeous, it's a warm, sunny day, I'm off work early and enjoying a lovely chicken salad sandwich that I made. My voice is slowly healing, and I'm pretty darn healthy, if a little overweight. I'm going to direct an amazing play for the School Tour at BTW. Perhaps it's more a question of not being happy with people today. 

I've been reading some local community papers discussing the Fredy Villanueva shooting by police. I've been thinking about accomodements raisonnables, I've been thinking about the funding cuts in the arts sector. And I'm livid. What angers me is a wanton disregard for humanity, for "the other" in our society. Which touches me nearly because that's a cross-section of the population that I identify most with: that which is not the mainstream, the majority. And I gotta tell you, it's hard not to take this mess personally. Because I've been harassed by the police for living, my image is trivialized and caricaturized by colleagues in blackface during work parties at the gym, (although I'm unreasonable for taking offense); the government is slashing funding for arts programs and my kids and I can't catch a break.

So I've decided to practice what a very wise friend and colleague of mine said to me a few years back when I was going through my separation and divorce: put it in the work. Well, I'm going to. And I won't pull any punches.  The kids will love it; the teachers... watch out.