Once again...

I'm back to sleeping on the BTW couch.

Ridiculous.
And on another random note, I just love carbs. But that's just because I'm so tired that I crave simple sugars. Which means lots of croissants. *ahhh...*I love bread. And cereal. Particularly Kashi GoLEan crunch. Too bad it don't love me back.

Ugh. Bloat. But the carb coma! Pain and pleasure all at once. Argh...If I wasn't so broke and I was ever home and awake for more than two hours in a day I'd make all my tasty raw food vegan recipes that I was making back in March and April. Convenience food becomes shakes and green juices. But I'd rather eat bread right now. Because sometimes, liquid nutrition, convenient as it is, just isn't very comforting or satisfying.

Blah blah, whine whine whine, complain complain complain. I'd still rather be doing what I'm doing that work some office job. As exhausted as I am, I'm growing so much as an artist and am learning new skill sets all the time. This job gives me amazing learning opportunities. If only I didn't live below the poverty line.

Fun facts...

Apparently, if you eat enough Maynard's Wine gums before bed, you wake up in the morning with a greenish-black tongue.

Apparently.

It's not like I've tested the theory to find out if it's true or not.
(I might have made the discovery by accident, but it's not the same thing. You'd be shocked and appalled to find out how many Wine Gum units qualifies as "enough." And maybe a little grossed out that any one person can ingest quite that many in one sitting. And yes, I know Wine Gums aren't vegan.)

Should I be reconsidering about vegetarianism?

Where it's at

Veganism, Baby.

I heart plant foods, darlings. A lot. I'm feeling mighty fine; I'm full of energy, in a very good mood, and quite alert. Mind you, I've only got two speeds right now: stop and go. When my body says it's time to sleep, I really need to be no farther than three minutes away from a bed. No, seriously.

And although my weight hasn't yet dropped, my fat percentage has. What I love best about following a vegan diet right now is the fact that I get to eat a lot of food and I'm not getting fatter. There are many caveats that I could add, but it goes without saying that obviously I don't eat a lot of processed or junk foods. But it doesn't bother me, because I'm discovering so much new and delicious food! I'm enjoying food and eating so much right now! I feel that my palate has become even more sensitive, so it's pretty trippy. Actually, in an almost literal sense it is. I remember a period of time in university when I was experimenting with drugs, and how it felt the first time I ate chocolate after smoking ganja. The pleasurable experience I associate with food lately is someone akin to it, minus the paranoia and forgetfulness. If you'd had that 1st chocolate experience on ganja, you fully understand the euphoria I'm talking about.

Also, I love how much my health has improved, and although ethical considerations are not my primary concern, I do feel relieved to know that I'm doing something with the money that I spend to contribute to sustaining the environment and to promoting the ethical treatment of animals. As a Christian, I believe what the Bible says in Genesis about the role that God has given to humanity as stewards of the planet. However, there are examples of good and poor stewardship in the Bible, and I don't think that God wants us to tyrannize the planet, you know? Anyway.

The downsides to this new way of eating are:

1) It's kind of expensive. The cost of natural and organic and whole foods are a lot higher than processed pseudo-healthy foods available at the supermarket. There aren't a whole lot of foods that are clean and chemical-free out there. I've got to get informed about co-ops and local organic farms otherwise once this school tour is over and I get poorer, I'll never be able to afford eating this way.

2) There's a fair bit of preparation involved. There aren't a lot of healthy convenience foods, vegan or otherwise out there. I mean, Eating clean has always involved a fair bit of prep time if I want to have a healthy, balanced, and varied diet. Whether clean eating involves eating animal foods like I did before the New Year or not, food prep and planning occupies not an inconsiderable bit of time out of my very crowded schedule, but also more head space than I've been accustomed to allot to thinking about food. But I suppose it's just because I've grown up one way thinking about food, and what it means to get what I need to eat healthily, and now I have to learn a new way of thinking about nutrition. My friend and colleague Matthew, who's been a vegan for four years, says that once you get the hang of it, you don't have to devote such a lot of time to thinking and planning, that it becomes automatic and more instinctual to eat a healthy, balanced vegan diet. I hope so.

3) A whole foods vegan diet is a bit bulky. Let's put it this way: my insoluble fibre intake has increased dramatically, and it's taking a wee bit of time for my system to adjust, which causes me some embarassment on a social level. And let's just leave it at that. No need to spell it out. We all know what I'm talking about. There's absolutely no need to put too fine a point on the fact that my digestive sytem is working overtime. To talk about how often I fart or go to the bathroom is completely unnecessary, not to mention in poor taste. Right. So no talking about that.

Um, anybody want to see a picture from one of the shows I did last December? I was filling in on a gig for a couple of corporate Christmas parties and as it turns out, some members from the gym where I work were at one of the parties. I confess to having felt a bit embarassed about the fact that anyone I know had seen me shakin' my moneymaker onstage while singing a Pussycat Dolls song, but oh well. Yadda yadda yadda, Show Business, yadda. I found out later that they didn't realize it was me until the next morning. Which makes sense. When you consider the shapeless, gender-obscuring uniforms we wear with the pastiness and my zombie-like expression (as I've been awake since 4 a.m.) I doubt even my mother could recognize me.

For the love of dairy products...

Food is so fan-frickin-tastic! Sure, my tummy is like a basketball stuffed full of bread and sugar and fat, but it's just so doggone good! Even if I am a little burpy and farty right now. Dairy, as good as it is, has never been good to me.

Meh, I can always train like a marine tomorrow. (And you KNOW that I will. That crazy Loren has given me a new program that I guarantee, if it doesn't prove to be the death of me, will give me the physiology of a 15-year-old. Oh yes, I'm determined to beat his score on the Fit Test. Heh heh. And when I do, I will gloat. Loudly and often. I will not be a gracious victor. I'm just warning you all now. Judge me if you will! It's just because he gloats about having a 16-year-old body and is shaped like the letter Y. I think it will be good for him to be beaten by a girl. Yeah, I want to help to develop his character...that's my motivation, uh-huh, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. )

But darlings, believe me, I am going to earn it. I need memories of sugar, chocolate, french fries, red beans and rice and pie to comfort me through the long weeks and months of brown rice, chicken breasts, egg whites, and broccoli ahead.

Mmmmm....fat. *drool!*

I'm at my dad's place eating pastries and drinking coffee and Courvoisier and listening to the Dreamgirls soundtrack. We are all being as loud and sassy as we know how to be, and it's oodles of fun. I'm storing up a lot of memories to tide me over in the upcoming weeks, because things are going to get hairy.

So there is a slight chance that I may tend to be neglectful in the upcoming weeks. Please don't get mad at me, I know it's not fair, but you may have to be the one to call me more times than I will call you. But I will do my best to try to keep my work and social life balanced. A little kick in the shin from time to time will remind me to keep my head up and looking around me instead of just the row that I'm ploughing. If you catch my drift.

Anyway. Loving you!
Merry Christmas!

Goodbye James Brown. You may have ended up crazy, but you were still the greatest.

Whatta weekend!

In the end, Friday night I had sushi and a vodka soda, which was quite tasty. I've only managed to workout today for the first time since, because I was too tired out by my weekend to safely exercise, and I felt the onset of a cold coming on. Very congested and boogery. (Sorry, that was gross, wasn't it?) And then there are the raging hormones that only Aunt Flo can provoke.

Saturday night, against my better judgment, I joined my colleague Quincy for a quick salad and a drink on Saturday night, but as there was a play closing at the Mainline Theatre that weekend, a whole mess of friends dropped into La Cabane and stayed to talk with us. I love hanging out with Quincy. He's solid gold, baby. It was a late night, but it's so nice to get to connect with people, you know? I think my new beverage of choice will be vodka. It's less sugary and not as full of mold as beer or wine. And your breath doesn't smell. And because of the taste, I'm less inclined to overindulge.

I of course, I did end up eating something bacon-y this weekend, at Eileen's house. It was pizza. (And if chicken wings and fries and mayonnnaise happened to find their way into the fray, it was an accident. Yeah, that's the ticket.) It was only because I was up on Sunday morning at a thoroughly unholy hour to go take my CPR certification course, and then spent the afternoon playing Dance Dance Revolution with Eileen, Thiery, JJ, and JF. Pure jokes! I am not a coordinated chick AT ALL. Scandalous. We also played Mario Kart and then watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. (Again! I lurrrve Ralph Fiennes...)

So I slept over at Eileen's, which sort of meant that I slept in, because I got to wake up at 5 am instead of at 4 to go to work. It was awesome. Of course, I was still tired and sore from my last workout on Thursday (it was a doozy--the head trainer at my gym obviously has obviously been taken in by that Fit Test and so he gave me a doozy of a training program. Anyway.) and after a quick stop in to the office I found out something marvelous!

There is a chance that I may get a job teaching Theatre part-time at Vanier College! Pray hard for me! Send out all your bestest good vibes so that they know that I'm utterly fabulous and fall all over themselves to offer me a job. Shoot, I'd even take it if it was offered somwhat grudgingly. This means that if I can hang on to that job for awhile, well, who needs the MFA to be able to teach at a postsecondary level? I'll just accumulate the equivalent in teaching experience! Ooh, it would be so awesome to be able to not work three jobs!

But of course, Monday evening was crap. Deeply crap. Crappity crap. Luckily, there was no vodka in the house, and cigarettes are not an option, so I had to settle for channeling my anger into the self-destructiveness of eating a double bacon cheesburger, fries and onion rings.
(But truth be told, it was SO tasty. Thank God for comfort food.)

Yesterday had lovely moments in it, even though the soundtrack of the movie of my life was an unending refrain of crap. crap. crap. you're worthless. go back to bed. you're a waste of flesh. crap. crap. crap...
But getting back to the lovely moments, because they WERE there. I found out something really amazing about the play that I was in last year: Blacks Don't Bowl. I'm not allowed to say anything until it's made official next Monday, but suffice to say, it's awesome news. Already, we were nominated for a MECCA award for Best Ensemble this year (we didn't win, but it's still pretty amazing that my first professional play is so critically and popularly acclaimed). I also had a great time with Sandra, just talking, eating (healthily) and watching Nacho Libre. That film had such potential to be awesome, if only Jared Hess had been able to get Jack Black to dial it down about two notches. Oh well. It's still the only other Jack Black movie I've ever liked. (The other one was School of Rock.)

I think I'm back on track today, though. I've moved beyond feeling sad and depressed to channeling all my anger, hurt and other such icky feelings into the monster of a workout that Laurent had planned for me. And it worked. I was a beast. In the best possible way. I actually arrived at some new strength goals today, which is really cool. I'm so close to leg pressing 100 pounds, it's not even funny. And I can row 100 pounds. I can compress 120 pounds with my hip abductors and adductors. And all the while, I listened to Chaka Khan's I'm Every Woman on my discman. I feel much better now.

Ah, but will it hold? Tune in next time, I guess. Or not.

Right now I'm craving...

With gravy. Yum! Oh so good.
(Of course, if I were to probe a little deeper, it may be more accurate to say that I'm craving some kind of comfort.)

Oh no! Actually, what I'm really craving is...



and especially....


Oh God, Mummy I miss you! That's what I'm craving the most. Your company.

And I'm sorry, the West Indian restaurants in town just can't compete. (And not because she's my mom, so obviously I think she's the best.) No, we ALL think she's the best. Anyone who's ever eaten her food knows what's up. She's a caterer, yo. Man, if she opened up a place in town, she'd have the lot of them up against the ropes.


I need to pay better attention when she cooks, actually, so that maybe I can satisfy my cravings myself. But somehow, I doubt that I can get that same special "something", even with the aid of my trusty Naparima Girls High School Cookbook. And if you've ever tried to pry your grandmother's recipe for something out of her and have gotten the response, "Well, put some of this and this and this and stir it until it looks right" or some other derivative of that response then you know. Some recipes can't be measured. You've just gotta feel it and know what you like.

Mmm....roti..... *slobber!*

It really works, too!

Finally, my beloved El Bill came by to visit and bless my new apartment with liquor and barbecue. We couldn't eat our way through the chicken and the whole hawg, courtesy of Bar-B-Barn, but we sure tried. The ribs in particular, were the worst hit. Man, did I ever sleep well that night. I think it was the ribs. But it might have been easing down every tasty, greasy, biteful with yum-yum-yummy Graham's six grapes porto. (I have since learned that all port is made with more than six grapes, and the "six grapes" thing is just a name. Thanks, Bill.)

And..."Thanks, Ribs!"

Back in the Saddle Again

Howdy pardners!

Back at work, attempting to write my first grant application. So far, so good. I wish I was making speedier progress, but oh well. It's exciting to have this job, I've got to tell you. I feel like I'm actually doing somethng meaningful and worthwhile. It's a cool thing to bring theatre training to those who couldn't normally afford it. Now if I can only convince the people with money to pay for it and help them chilluns out, it shall be golden.

But I've got to tell you, I feel pretty optimistic. Sure I don't make a lot of money yet, but who was it that said: "Do what you love and the money will come"?

Come on, money!

Also, I'm presently enjoying the amazing benefits of vegan eating. Whoa! I forgot how good it was. I love the summer for that. Lots of rain this summer so far (in fact, it's looking ominously gray outside this minute) but there's been lots of sunshine too. (Ooh! Spot the metaphor for my life!)

Summertime...and the produce is tasty,
Veggies are crunchy, and the fruit is so ripe...
Well I may not be rich,
But I'm still damn good lookin'

---Okay, enough of that. I'm getting back to work.
Big bisous for all of you,
T.

Anyway

But then again...

I may have been suffering from the heat so much because of the mass quantities of food I consumed over the weekend. I watched silly movies like Dodgeball and Galaxy Quest and 13 Going on 30 with Bill and it was jokes. I had every intention of eating healthy food with her you know. And if Baileys, Pepsi, pizza, chicken wings and ice cream did happen to pass my lips, I have a little comfort in recalling that there were also some carrot and celery sticks that got in there somehow. And wowee! the barbecued jerk chicken and potato salad at Dad's the next day! I also made Great Big Pitchers of Mojitos.*mmm...drool...*

However, I am perfectly willing to own that my discomfort may have been the result of some indigestion. You can't eat as cleanly as I did all week and then blast your body with that kind of salt, fat, wheat, alcohol, and dairy and expect to get away scot free. But what a way to go!

(By the way Bill, I mentioned Steve the Pirate to Solonor who affectionatly sends the usual "Hello Butthead" greeting.)

And little Jasmine slept over at our place last night. Stephanie is looking after her for Jenny to give the poor woman a badly needed night out. It's pretty hilarious. Jazzy has taken over the whole entire apartment. She's EVERYWHERE, man. She's like a puppy, running all over the apartment. But she's so sweet natured and affectionate and clever. It's so funny: Stephanie will say something to Jasmine, who will look back at her in puzzlement, and and then turn to me for the translation in French. Because Jenny always speaks to Jazzy in French and Jasmine's dad speaks English, but she doesn't see him that often so her understanding of English has not kept apace.

Man, looking at Jasmine this morning, I recalled a time when I was actually that small.
I was a fetus.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy....

I have been told of late by one of my dear readers that my tone in these blogs has been somewhat dark. That it sounds like I'm practically suicidal. That I've been whinging, in short.

Well, Darlings, I certainly don't want to be a downer, but neither do I want to be fake and superficial. I'd like y'all to have the straight dope from me, but I don't want to scare you off from hanging out with me for fear that I'll slit my wrists at the dinner table.

So allow me to share a few happy tidbits from my life:

Stephanie and I have commenced a 7-day detox to cleanse the system. The first two days are lemon water, herbal tea, and vegetable broth, but the following five days are all about lots of fruits, veggies, and rice. Yummy! It's so funny; what seemed a hardship at first (that of it being such a restrained diet) we now eagerly anticipate, and the diet seems above all reproach. It also helps that we hit the Jean-Talon Market on the weekend and that in my weakened and fatigued state, I have nevertheless been inspired to cook as I haven't been in a long time. There is tasty food aplenty awaiting us tomorrow when we get off the liquid part of the fast. A sumptuous vegetable curry, a hearty, savoury mung bean soup, fresh chilled gazpacho, homemade baba ghanoush and hummus with crudites, fress fruit salad, rice fusilli puttanesca! All fresh ingredients, herbs and whatnot. Yummm.....

You'd think the sight of all that food would discourage me while I've been drinking nothing but lemon water and veggie broth, but no! It's been nothing but pleasurable industry serving to take my mind off of being hungry. And a source of immense pride because I can say without conceit that I am a Dyno-mite cook.

I will be having a happy (healthy) binge-fest with with my beloved Bill on Saturday. I couldn't resist. Lord knows, there's something about her diabolical little smirk that just warms my heart to no end.

And off I go to band bractice, gotta show tomorrow evening for the Festival Rhythmes Du Monde. Somehow we ended up as the headliners for two years in a row. God bless Eva, she is a super champion of my talent and a much appreciated butt-kicker.

Ciao for now! I can't promise to keep the cheery thing going for long, because you know how hormones can be! (Actually, I guess you fellas would only know by proxy: sisters, girlfriends or whateva. Anyway.)

Chillin' like a villain

Yes indeedy Dahlings, that's how it's been goin' down these days.

Been hanging out with Mom for the past couple of days, and it's been deeply wicked. I've been eating, sleeping, reading, eating and braiding my hair. Lot of eating, lot of braiding. Wait till y'all see me. I may be puffy, but I look good.

Under normal circumstances, braiding would have been replaced by shopping, but the sad reality is that I am once again po' and since I won't be able to afford trips to the hair dresser for at least another month, I figured it would be worth it to invest some time in a 'do that will last for a month, be lovely and time-saving in the mornings.
(Well, not that I actuallly get to work before noon since I'm completely useless in the morning, but you get my drift.)

Because if you know black women's hair, darlings (and I do) it is involved. Can I get a witness? Whether your hair is permed or you're rocking a natural or doin' the dreadlocks thing, it's a lot of work. Brigitte has neatly avoided the pitfalls of time-consuming hair by rocking a really short 'fro, but then again, she's petite and feminine, so it works. If you've got a big 'ol pumpkin head such as myself, a short 'fro looks like a short stop on the road to Transamerica, if you get my drift. Anyway.

And let me tell you, hanging out with Mom and Fabian has given me tons more material for the dictionary. I've gotta write it all down before I forget.

I actually feel a wee bit guilty because I haven't gotten much work done and I really did intend to get some stuff done. What can I say? It's the hair. In fact, I am altogether too ashamed to admit how many hours of work have gone into this coif'.
But doggone it, I look good.
Heh heh.

And how am I doing lately, you may ask? Ahhh....
It's worth mentioning that Mom is proving to be, as usual, a wonderful balm for all that ails me when life gets lousy. Not everybody gets a supafly mom like mine, as we all know. Supafly moms aren't perfect, but they are so, well...supafly, that even their flaws are a part of their charm. It shows you how to bear up under your own with grace and fabulosity.
Yeah, I'm so chill that I wonder if I'll be able to bring it back home with me. I guess we'll all find out.