I tell ya...

There's nothing like a good, strenuous workout to process all your anxiety/anger/frustration. Yes sir, I think I'm out of crisis mode (knock on wood) and am now getting back to myself again. It's easier to bounce back these days than it has been in the past, which is, I think a good thing.

What might I be anxious about? Many plates that I am spinning at once, and some of them are getting dropped. I'm having a hard time balancing all of my jobs. I keep looking for the kind of employment that might bring my weekly schedule down from 65 to something like 40 hours. My first interview for Vanier went well, but it's looking like I'd be stepping into a tricky political situation, and I just want to teach theatre. I dunno. We'll see how things go when I meet the hiring committee in the new year.

I wish I could get the kind of funding for YouthWorks that it needs. And to tell the truth, I kind of wish I didn't have to be the Program Director sometimes. I don't like all the administrative worries, staffing responsibilities and stuff. I don't think I'm particularly good or efficient at it. (Don't tell that to any prospective employers!) I like designing and conducting curriculum best. But hey, I do love the job and I wish I could do something great with it. I wish I was better equipped (read:educated/trained) to make it into the kind of program I know it can be.

And why am I not doing more work as an actress? Speaking of which, why don't I get an agent? I seriously need to look into that one of these days, to weigh whether or not it's worth it to have one or not.

I'm worried about my dad out there in Lagos. It's not a safe place to be. I wish he was home right now. I appreciate that he's gotta get the work thing on a lock (do I ever! I've realized that when it comes to my attitude about work, I'm totally my father's daughter.) but I wish he could do it in a safer context.

Also, I feel that I'm neglectful of my friends and family. I'm not keeping up with all of them the way I want to. Sigh. I know that I'm not there for all of them the way they would like and sometimes need me to be. If you're one of those friends reading this, I'm really sorry! Be patient with me, when things slow down with YouthWorks next week, maybe we can hang out.

But it's more likely that I'll just increase my working out, because it's the Christmas season and I have three shows coming up that I need to look good for. (Well, I know I look good, but I mean, that I need to be thinner to do them because of the clothes we wear) Wanna train with me at the gym? I've really gotten so good! And It's always better to train with someone than to train alone. Over the past three weeks I've lost 19 pounds, 6% body fat, and 10.5 inches. Not bad. And to tell the truth, I only started to truly be disciplined about my eating about a week ago. I'm talking about, no binges, no cheats, nothing, I've stayed on track with eating because I think I've found a good balance of discipline without deprivation.
Even though I pulled my hamstring earlier this week, I was good about resting it, but still finding a way to stay active and I am getting to the point where I think I'll be able to train it this weekend. All week I struggled with bloating and hitting a weight-loss plateau, but by drinking lots of water, eating right and training smart, I've broken through it and hopefully am on my way back to a weight that doesn't destroy my lower back or knees. Anyway.

Also, I'm feeling kinda lonely these days for male companionship. For those of you with delicate sensibilities I won't put too fine a point on it but the way I'm feeling is that, even though things were hardly always rosy with my ex-husband, my eyes were opened to the glories of some of the residual perks of being in a serious relationship, and now I'm vexed that I can't have it anymore. That's all I'll say about that for now. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. Actually, in the absence of opportunity there's nothing I can do about it, anyway.

Bleh, I'm too tired to be an entertaining, clever, insightful or witty writer today. I haven't been sleeping well lately for some reason. (Oh, that might be the anxiety thing.) For example right now, I'd love to sleep, but I've got a workshop thing to go to for work...something to do with fundraising. Which would alleviate one of the stresses I've got about BTW, so it's a good thing.

Anyway, I gotta go. Might sleep, might not. Mmph, probably not, can't afford to. Well, I'm off. Laters!