I still got to talk about some real stuff with y'all. I hope you don't find this self-indulgent, that's not the spirit of it. You can just skip this one and wait for the next installment. This is here in case you notice a shift/evolution in what goes up on this blog, and so that if such a shift occurs, you know where it comes from. I think that I've evolved a lot over the past year or so, but I haven't always been conscious or aware of the changes.
(As for the daily grind: I'm working my little heart out and learning so much! Yes, I work retarded hours, but it's only for a little while. Soon I will be with Momma, who always cures whatever ails me, just by being there.)
AnyHoo, the ManifesTwo. This is the last entry in my old journal, that filled up the day before my birthday:
As I wrap up this journal, this chapter of my life, I think of where I've been and what I've learned up until now. Some things that have changed:
Environmental consciousness. The state of the Earth, to diminish in stages the harm that i do to this planet and its inhabitants by the lifestyle I lead and how I invest my consumer dollars has been evolving. I don't want to support companies and products that endorse or tolerate cruelty to and the exploitation of women, children, animals, and the local family or small farmer. Industry that poisons the planet will get less and less of my hard-earned money, that's for sure.
Health. Absolutely, I'm concerned about my personal aesthetic and weight loss. But optimal helath, living according to the design of the Creator is beginning to take up more space in my consciousness. I want to look and feel good, look and feel young. I want to prevent disease, particularly cancer, since I don't plan to/envision having children in the future. I want to avoid the diabetes and heart conditions that are in my family. I want to stay beautiful, inside and out. To be healthy, natural, and sane.
I want to be physically, the strongest woman I know. (The other types of strength require a lot of suffering to develop, which is daunting, and I confess to being not as enthusiastic about that, but bring it on! I will continue to survive and to overcome.)
Spirit. I want to take care of my spirit, to live life thoughtfully and mindfully. To live out my faith not driven by performance, or human obligation. I want to be a forgiving and humble woman, to learn how to surrender and to life with a childlike trust in God. I want to be a confident, self-aware woman who knows her place in the world without needing to push down others or aside, to inhabit my space without taking away from someone else's space. I want to give back to the world, to be a good and faithful servant to God, to humanity, a woman who puts the gifts that I've received to work for the glory of the God I love and for the good of the world.
I want my life to set a good example, to empower others and to inspire positivity.
I want to become more accepting of the good things that life has to offer with a spirit of thankfulness, of gratitude, of welcome, and of openess, rather than with guilt or a distorted sense of entitlement.
Discipline. I want to live honestly, with integrity, responsibility and maturity. To be disciplined and moderate with myself so that I can in turn be generous with others.I want to be responsible with the money I am given/earn, to be worthy of the trust of the One who gave it to me.
Relationships. I want to grow to forgive the people who have hurt me when my marriage fell apart. I want to learn to forgive myself. To accept the forgiveness of God and of others.
I want to be ready for a loving and healthy romantic relationship and to accept it with open arms when it arrives.
I want to be courageous, to see the positive in people rather than the negative, to see what is praiseworthy rather than to be critical. I want to be shrewd and careful, to be wise in my dealings with people. To know how and when to protect myself and others when it is my place and in my power to do so.
I want to show more love and attention and devotion to my family.
Did I mention patience? I want to be a patient woman with people in my life.
Career/Calling. I want to do the kind of work that allows me to live a balanced life. If the work I do doesn not help others, or inspire or bring some good to others, I'm just not interested. However, I don't want my work to be my life. It has only recently occurred to me that it's not because there is something fundamentally wrong with me that there are no romantic prospects on the horizon. It's because I'm a bloody workaholic, and I don't have a social life right now. Once I get out there, I will meet good people. I can't be afraid of getting out there, and I've been hiding behind my work to that end for awhile now. And I'm not going to anymore. A comfortable a refuge as work is and has been, I think I'm more ready to date now than I've been in a long, long time. This one ties in with relationships, but still.
And one for all areas of my life: No more settling! Expect and work for and accept the very best.
I just want to constantly set and surpass my personal, living, emotional, nutritional and training goals. Over it all to be a loving and spiritual woman. I just keep thinking of that book the Secret. I've got to read it. Believe to acheive. Positivity begets positivity. How awesome this year will be as I begin to incorporate those principles into my life. The development of a loving, blanced and sane person is such an involved undertaking and the aspects of it are so far-reaching. Whoa. But how exciting too.
Go give somebody some love. (be sure to include yourself as well!)
Laters!
P.S. And I don't care what anyone says: I DIG Justin Timberlake. Yes, he's the modern-day Elvis, which philosophically repulses me, but shoot. It's kind of like croissants. They taste so good, even though there isn't much nutritional value to be had in them.
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